If only –
If only we had all died with him.
If only we hadn’t run away had we fought and died with him
If only Peter had not pretended not to know him.
(He said, “I didn’t know I didn’t know him until I swore
‘I do not know the man you are talking about.’
Then I wept for my ignorance, my loss,
My shame of finally knowing myself.”)
If only Jesus hadn’t chosen death –
Been so naive, spoken out, goaded them.
If only he hadn’t chosen to be a different Chosen One
From the one of our choosing.
If only there were no rumours,
No testimonies,
None of these women unhinged with troubling peace
No Peter on edge with joy and guilt,
No couple doubling back from Emmaus claiming
(how far is Emmaus?)
they broke bread with the dead,
None of this wild faith infecting the rest.
If only I could believe – but what then? –
If only I could leave them, my brothers and sisters,
Forget his disturbing tomb with its emptiness,
Get away from, get over, him.
If only I could live untroubled
by the fear of hope and its pain.
A reflection written by Rev. Roy Jackson (our Superintendent Minister). Based on John 20:24